Answered prayer or added stress....haven't decided yet.

If you know me at all, you know I hate waiting, especially waiting on the unknown.  So I tend to push the issue until I get an answer, rather it's the answer I want or not. In this case, I'm not sure what answer I wanted, but at least I got an answer.

A couple weeks ago, a former co-worker told me they were looking for instructors again and planted the seed if I wanted to go back to teaching now might be a good time.  I decided to at least test the waters and contact the new dept chair to see what's available.  I heard via some former students that they were struggling to find instructors for the next semester as well. My initial email was returned with a "we'll be in touch" message, then I heard nothing for almost two weeks.  So I decided yesterday to send a "just checking in" kinda message, and I got back the answer that they wouldn't be needing me this coming semester.  So, the unknown is now known...but I'm left examining how I feel about it.

In some ways, I really don't want to go back to teaching right now. I'm home with my son, I'm enjoying this time in his life. Homeschooling is going...OK.  I pledged to be honest in these blogs, especially to myself, even if I don't want to admit something.  Homeschooling is challenging, because it means keeping a schedule.  Some days, that's fine because deep down I like a schedule.  But there's other days, when the schedule seems too restricting, like today, when I need to run some errands, and homeschooling isn't done.  But I do feel like he's learning well, and getting the work done, just not as structured as I would like at times.  We are about 2 weeks behind the "schedule" of where we should be, but at least it's not a month, and we are working to close that gap and be back on schedule.  So, it's all good.  I just would rather be "on schedule".

At the same time, I worry that my son is falling into bad habits with homeschooling.  He doesn't sit still during the lessons, like I know he would be expected in public school. He takes too many breaks, and he watches more TV these days then he did when he was in public school.  I'm sure these plays into the being behind, so it's a cycle we must break!

Part of me is also a little saddened, because I would have rather been offered a class or two for ME to decide if I wanted to teach them, rather than be told I wasn't needed.  I mean everyone likes to think their employer recognizes their value and wants their contribution. Plus I have always been told I was good at what I did; I felt like I was good at what I did, so I would have liked to have had the opportunity to do that work again.  I would have at least liked the opportunity to evaluation what she offered and decided if it was right to go back or not.  But instead it feels a little like I wasn't "good enough" to be asked back. I know that's not the case, truly, but the devil sitting near ready to whisper negative things, did get that in before I could shut him down.


The bottom line is I will be continue homeschooling come January. I will be more determined than ever to get us on schedule, because I want us done with our school year at the same time that our daughter is done with her public school year. I will continue to try to get this "couponing" thing figured out, because without my teaching income, things are tight at times. And I'll continue to spend time at home with my favorite little guy and the dog.  That's the best part of the entire deal!