20 Things I Have Learned in 20 Yrs of Marriage - Sorry Hun! :)

Ok, compared to older generations, 20 years is nothing, but to our generation, 20 years in a single marriage is becoming rare. I would be the first to admit that we do not have the perfect marriage. I personally don't believe it exists, but that's me.

1. The little things that are might be an "slightly annoying cute little trait" before you marry will annoy the heck out of you when stress hits the relationship, so decide before you say "I Do" if you can live with it.

2. Ceremony lasts 30 minutes. Marriage lasts a lifetime, focus accordingly.

3. Spend time together but also allow some individual time. This is especially important once kids come along, "me time" for Mommy needs to be more than just going to the bathroom and locking the door to pee while a toddler cries on the other side of the door wanting Mommy. Likewise, and this is hard for stay at home Moms, Dad needs time to golf, play a game, or watch a game, even if he gets to go off to work every day while Mom is home with the kids day in and day out. As much as I want to argue that it is, truthfully, the commute to and from work and hours away from the couple/family at work isn't quality "me time". But also don't "work late" to get me time, it only cracks the trust.

4. Live on your own for a while before you marry, even if its an apartment in college. Better would be an apartment after college even, but mostly live on your own, so you're not going from Mommy & Daddy's roof to the married roof. You learn a lot about yourself living on your own. Also, wait to add children to the mix.

5. The perfect husband or wife doesn't exist. Recognizing that and compromising are a must.

6. There's a big difference between nagging and encouraging, and only the receiver can identify the difference! Words spoken once gets repeated in your spouse's mind for years to come, so choose them carefully.

7. Don't compare your marriage to anyone else's. Even if you share a roof, you don't know everything.

8. Ladies, sometimes you just need to vent. If you don't want him to offer suggestions or try to "fix", vent to your girlfriend, not your husband.

9. Face it, Men, your wife's best friend will know everything about your marriage. So learn to like her, because when the mud gets deep she can either help your wife dig through it or bury the body. And even if she says "yeah, he's a jerk" most times she will send her home after a couple drinks.

10. Men, stand up for your wife against the parents as needed. You are a new family, so you need new traditions which will be a blend of you both, if you work together. Ladies, seek your husband's advice instead of Dad's. I had a hard time of that in the early years, because my Daddy was a wonderful advisor, friend, and encourager who would also tell me flat out that I needed a kick in the butt.

11. Money causes fights when there is not enough and there are rarely enough. So learn to budget when you are young!

12. Needs change over time. "Seek permission rather than forgiveness" and "Pick your fights" are both mottos to live by. Communication is the key. You hear it over and over not because it's easy to say, but because it's true and it's harder to practice than it is to say.

13. Unfortunately, just because you're tired doesn't mean the lawn doesn't need mowed or the laundry and dishes done. Eventually, it has to be done and you might be just as tired when you realize there's no clean underwear or you lost the dog in the tall grass.

14. Leave plumbing & electrical work to the professions unless you are mechanically enabled. But then, your wife will enjoy telling *cough* embarrassing *cough* you for years to come with the story of how you manage to break a perfectly good functional toilet in your attempt to fix one with a slight leak.

15. Your husband is not your Dad. So don't compare the two. Your wife is not your Mom. So just because Dad could fix it or Mom made your favorite, doesn't mean you won't be finding a mechanic or eating a new favorite food. By the way, if your wife made your "favorite" for the first time, even with mom's recipe, don't say "yuck" or that "Well, it's not Mom's". Instead say "thank you" or "it's different; I appreciate you making it for me", unless you like sleeping with one eye open after hiding the knives, of course. Oh, and if you offer "Let's just go out to eat" in a tone that says "please no more of that!" immediately after a failed cooking attempt, it will end in tears, just saying!

16. "Food" is not an acceptable answer to "What would you like for supper?", just as "Whatever you want, it's fine" is not acceptable if you have your heart set on something. If you have no preference, say it and mean it. But know if you have no preference too long, you might just find veggies on your plate rather you like them or not!

17. Do not give up your bed. I know when family visits it's nice to offer your parents your bed and you take the couch sofa "bar in the back" bed. Don't do it! Offer the couch or a the kids bed. Do you really want yo get cozy with your lover after yours or his parents have been in your bed??? I don't. In my mind, it goes with keeping the marriage bed pure, no one sleeps in our bed.

18. Work together and play together. Cook supper together, clean the house, go for a walk, play cards, swing in a porch swing. Life has big moments, but a marriage is won or lost in the little moments.

19. Own your mistakes. We all make them, we avoid and get embarrassed, but we still make them. Own up to the fact you made one and say and mean "I am sorry" and ask for forgiveness. With that give forgiveness, even if your can't immediately. It's OK to say "I need time".

20. Laugh easily, often, and mostly at yourself!

Memorial Day...

Tomorrow's Memorial Day and right now, I'm covering a 2-hour radio spot where I was asked to do a Memorial/Veteran Tribute show.  So I'm sure this blog will take the entire 2 hours to write, as I multitask but it gives me plenty of time to reflect on what this weekend means to me.

My Mom talks about Memorial Day when she was little in Eastern Kentucky. People would gather at the local cemetery, put flags and flowers on the Veteran's graves, and there would be a huge picnic as they honored their loved ones.  I remember my Aunts & Uncles talking about making trips down to Kentucky just for Memorial Day weekend. My Mom makes the day and community picnic sound so great.  That sense of memorial, honor, community that you hear in her voice when she speaks of it, makes me long to go back in time and experience that!

For me, I hate to say, Memorial Day has long since became just "another day", we don't do anything special really.  It happens to be often be the same weekend as my wedding anniversary, so we sometimes celebrate on the holiday weekend.  But for the past 2 years, I have covered the Sunday night DJ set on Memorial Day weekend, and I am always asked to make it a tribute night.  (The regular DJ for this set likes to watch cars drive around in a circle in Indy at a neck breaking speed, so he takes the day off every year.)  So, this gives me a chance to look back and think about Veterans and tributes.

Here's some of the thoughts that runs through my mind as I play songs like "Arlington" by Trace Adkins, "Traveling Soldier" by Dixie Chicks, and "Riding With Private Malone" by David Ball...

I have been incredibly blessed to know some truly awesome men and women, who just happened to be Veterans. These men and women are just like me, they eat, sleep, play games, watch TV, go to the movies, fall in love, get married, break up, and have children.  They worry about paying the mortgage or if little Johnny is going to wreck the car. But there's one major difference between me and them, when I "go to work", I might get a paper cut.  I might get stuck in "car pool" traffic. On a really bad day, I might have an accident that requires medical attention.  When I was teaching full time, I might have to tell a student he or she can't repeat an exam, and they might get mad and do something stupid, like trying to cut my tires.  What doesn't happen to me "at work", is strapping on a uniform and going where others want to shoot you!  A bad day for them could end with them escorting a "brother" home or worse them in a body bag.  My job is NOTHING compared to the men and women who puts their lives on the line for our freedom.

I had the discussion with John, my newly retired from the Air Force friend, and he says (sorry I know that I won't quote you perfectly, and if I mess it up, you'll correct me!) "for us, it's a job. It's what we are expected to do, what is needed and we do it."  The attitude I understand, the selflessness, the willingness and commitment to do what's needed, what is expected.  I get that. But that's a commitment.  There are people who can't keep a commitment to wash dishes or put their clothes away, but yet these men and women made a commitment protect our freedom even when the very people they are protecting might not appreciate them.

Memorial Day is a Holiday, and a lot of us will use the day to have a cookout with friends, maybe we will take our family and go to a park or the Zoo.   Maybe we will just gather around a bonfire and have a beer, or my gamer friends might gather around a table for a game.  But the people who we are honoring at Memorial Day, are likely to be working.  They are the men and women who don't get the day off, because if they took the day off to have a hot dog and beer next to the bonfire, the very freedoms that allow us the day off could be taken in a heartbeat.

The military uses terms like "honor", "respect", and "trust".  For them, these words have meaning. They have to trust the 'brothers' who has their back. They honor the flag, the government, the idea that our country was founded.  They respect the uniform.  (They might not agree with that government all time, but they still honor it.)  I personally love those words and the meanings!  But you know what, the military don't just use these words. They don't put them in their branch motto, and write them on a flag or make them a line in a song. They actually live those words!  Those words describes not the ideal, but the actual life of the men and women living in that uniform.  Wow! Wouldn't it be awesome of the rest of us did that?

So please as you're putting the mustard on your hot dog or putting the marshmallow on the stick for a s'more, take a moment to thank a soldier, airmen, seaman, marine, or coast guard.  And if you served, I have had it explained to me, that sometimes hearing "Thank you" is hard to hear.  But please know, that there's a wife, mother, daughter, that prays nightly for you, that appreciates you.  I'm not going to stop saying "Thank you", because the words are way too easy and can't possibly be enough. If I see you in uniform behind me, I will likely pay for your coffee or pick up the tab for your dinner. I don't do it because I think you need a handout. I do it, because without you doing what you do, I can't do what I do, and for that, I'm very grateful.  So as I play the last song of my 2-hours of tribute music, I say once again.  Thank you!

Really?! You Can't See That?

It's big, yellow and has enough seats for between 60-72 children, plus the driver, and you can't see it? Really?!

Yeah, it's time for Lisa's rant about people, aka drivers, and school buses.  This is a rant that is near and dear to my heart, because my Dad was a school bus driver for about 30 years. My brother and sister-in-law carried on the tradition and still drive school buses now, well over an additional 10 yrs...so our family has easily a 40+ yr School Bus Driver history!

Ok, so here's what set me off today, and made me decide to write....We see bumper stickers, signs, FB posts, billboards, etc, reminding us drivers to "watch out for motorcycles", and I'm not knocking that AT ALL!  Motorcycle riders have a spot on the road and we should give them the space and watch for them as much as we can. I have friends who are drive donorcycles, I mean motorcycles, and I want them to stay safe and be around for a long, long time!  I also pray that my friends who drive motorcycles have more brains that some!

So yesterday, near where we live, a motorcyclist apparently hit a school bus and was killed.  I followed the story, because as I said, School Buses are dear to my heart.  This cyclist apparently was weaving in and out of traffic and rear-ended a school bus that was empty.  Sorry, cyclist...I hate that you lost your life, but really?  You failed to see a School Bus?  The news reported that the school bus had stopped and was making a turn, and proper signals & lights were working.  It's BIG, it's Yellow, and it's kinda hard to miss?! I would think!

Anyway, so that's kinda sad, the cyclist lost his life, a family lost a loved one, and I pray for them.  The driver and witnesses have the memory and I am sorry for that as well.  I'm personally glad there was no children on the bus to witness it.  

So let's get on to the rest of my rant, because I have a BIG one regarding school buses and drivers.  Let's go over some facts!

*** School buses carry children, ages 5 - 18 roughly, CHILDREN!!! Do I need to repeat it again, CHILDREN...aka possibly MY CHILDREN!  That means Slow the heck down!!!!  When you see a school bus, you should take your freaking foot off the gas, cover or apply the break, and slow your death machine vehicle down to a freaking crawl!  I should be able to run faster than you are driving when you approach a school bus, especially if it's in a subdivision or along a residential street where there are children who are getting on or off that school bus!  

*** School buses stop often.  They can't really slow down and open the door and toss the kids out, they have to STOP in order for the children to get on and off the bus.  You being impatient behind them, don't make them stop less.  You being impatient behind them, don't make the kids walk any faster.  So just roll down your window, put on some smoothing music and chill out!  You will still get to where ever you are going, and if you're that late, maybe you should have left 10 minutes earlier next time...just a suggestion!

*** School buses have these things called a STOP ARM.  It's a STOP sign that comes out from the side of the bus. Some buses even have 2 so you can see them better. They are also attached to lights that flicker when a bus is approaching a stop.  Once the lights start to flicker and the arm BEGINS to come out, YOU CAN NOT PASS THAT BUS!  I don't care if you are late for the most important meeting of your career. I don't care if you're late to your own wedding, divorce, court appearance, funeral. ONCE THAT ARM BEGINS TO COME OUT, you STOP!  That doesn't mean slow down and go pass really slowly. That doesn't mean gun the car so you get pass the bus before the arm is fully extended. It means STOP the vehicle!

*** School bus drivers deserve respect, so treat them as such.  I know parents who can't drive 15 minutes without putting a video in the car to entertain their children.  A school bus driver drives a HUGE bus with 60-72 children, all making noise, talking, asking questions, singing, etc, while still watching the road and trying to keep the bus safe and watch out for drivers who can't always remember these simple facts.  Now, I will make a disclaimer, I have heard stories of things bus drivers have done that would not deserve respect, so I know there are bad apples out there.  There are always bad apples. But if you're a driver behind a school bus, try to at least give them the respect on the road and assume they are a Good one! :)

As the school year comes to an end, that means when the kids step off that bus, they are going to be ready to run and enjoy the sunshine, so PLEASE be careful!  Nothing breaks my heart more than hearing a child got hit by a car, nothing sends me into a panic more than hearing a school bus was involved in an accident, and nothing would rock my world more than hearing that one of my children was hurt while on a bus or getting on/off at the bus stop. So please SLOW DOWN, PAY ATTENTION, and KEEP THE KIDS SAFE!!!

because it's BIG...Yellow...carries lots of people...You really can't see that?!?!