Let's talk about allowance...

I don't actually remember my parents giving me allowance when I was younger.  Maybe they did, but I just don't remember it.  I remember going to the store with my Dad (and Mom, but mostly Dad unless it's school clothes shopping) and asking for a Candy bar, a toy or something and he would buy it, tell me to "put it on my birthday/Christmas list", or just say "no".  When I got old enough to work on the farm, I was paid as a farm hand the same as the guys he hired for summer help.  I also babysit and started my first job when I was 15 working for someone else, so I didn't rely on just allowance to have money for things I wanted to do.  While I don't remember an allowance, I do remember going to the movies with friends, basketball games, and school activities where Dad would make sure I had money before I left the house.  Even after I started working, I remember Dad asking "do you need any money?"

So allowance in the Brown's home has been an on/off, up/down struggle.  It started with Kalissa was about 6 and we did the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace and decided we needed to start teaching her about money.  We put "commission" in the budget, because we didn't want the kids to think they get money just for being alive. They need to earn their money just like the real world, no one says to a 25 yr old "oh you're cute, so you go play your video games or sleep until noon and here's $$$ to buy a new toy while I do your laundry, clean your home and buy and cook your food, oh and don't forget provide a room for you to sleep in, a vehicle to take you places, and pay for all your sports, schooling and other activities you want to do..."  We decided the "rate" would be $0.50 per year of age and that we would deduct money each week for chores not completed or bad behavior. We would "pay" them every Saturday evening and we provided them with 3 envelopes - Spending, Savings, & Charity.  They had to put at least so much into Charity each week (we set the amount depending on how much they were earning), then they could decide how much went into the other 2 envelopes, but some had to go into both.

Great plan, isn't it?  Too bad the parents in the plan failed!  Sometimes we forgot to pay them on Saturday night because we were doing something else and wasn't home. Sometimes we forgot to make it to the bank and didn't have cash. Sometimes finances were tight for us, so we said commission was "on hold" and they wasn't paid because that money was needed for things like food, school expenses, etc.

And then there was the challenges to the plan...you're at the store and the child wants a new toy or a cookie, they "need" this sparkly pencil that is double the price of the plain yellow one beside it.  Their best friend has this new "XYZ" and they just have to have it...and you say "do you have your money?"  and you hear all the excuses..."I left it at home?", "I didn't know we were going shopping after church?", "You haven't paid me this week?", "I'll pay you when I get home?"....the list could go on...but I think my favorite is "I have some of it, would you buy it and then take it out of my allowance for next week(month/year depending on cost) PLEASE"  normally followed by please and puppy dog eyes in the middle of a crowded store with what seems like the entire town standing around waiting for you to move out of the way!

Then there's the follow up...you get home and they forget to bring you the money they had to settle the IOU, or the next PayDay comes and you forget they owe you $5 so you just give them the full amount.  You get busy with your life and by time you drive home from the store, put away the purchases, and get into homework, housework, or whatever is the task of the moment you forget the negotiation that took place in the store and IOUs seem to disappear in the cobwebs known as Mommy Brain - a project of not enough sleep, too many irons in the fire, concern for little one's healthy, happiness and the search of clean socks, oh and don't forget trying to be healthy, happy and married yourself.

So then you have a Family Meeting (ours was Monday night this week), and you say <insert the Parent voice here>, "We are going to crack down on chores and you won't get commission/allowance/whatever you want to call it, unless you do your chores." and then if you're really disillusioned as a parent you throw in there "no more IOUs...if you don't have the money in your wallet with you at the time you want something, then there's no credit." I didn't say last part, but what I did say was "I'm tired of picking up random socks, clothes, toys, reeds (Clarinet player), school papers, etc...so from now on, everything I pick up and put away for you is $0.25 an item...and socks/shoes or anything else that comes in pairs counts as 2 items!" [Side note: Thanks Joy for the idea! I love stealing your ideas, and my kids normally roll their eyes and silently curse your ideas which means it's a good idea!]

So now, I'm 2 days into the week and I'm challenged with ...how do I track this?  How do I break the failed parent issue of not remembering to pay up, of not tracking when they spend at the store, not collecting the IOUs and such.  How do I track each individual deduction when I have to pick up their stuff? What works for you?  What doesn't?  I really don't think I'm alone with this allowance challenge...I think other parents have the same issue, so how did you solve it or are you still swimming upstream and hoping when your child gets a real job you can finally climb out?  I have heard of phone apps and went out today and looked at a couple (Child Allowance Tracker and Virtual Piggy) but either of these seem to strike me as "oh yeah, this is what I need!".  The first, Child Allowance Tracker, seems very straight forward and would do what we need, but the reviews sound like there's some bugs in it and I like software/apps that work, bugs annoy me.  The second, Virtual Piggy, is designed it seemed for your child to shop online with your credit card based on the allowance they have earned, and so that's not what we need.  My kids don't shop online, HECK I don't shop online that much...they see it in the store and want it.  I'll keep looking for other apps, but for now it's a piece of paper beside the fridge (which I'm sure will go missing at some point or won't be with us at the store when their balance is needed).  What do you use? Do you use an app for your phone? If so, do you love it? hate it? Recommend it?

If I had time....

"If I had time..."

I wonder how many times a day I think or say that expression?  "If only I had time to scan in every piece of paper around my office and Go Green".  "If only I had time, I would bake cookies for when my kids get off the bus."  "If I had time, I would go spend a day in a soup kitchen helping to serve meals."

Why don't we make time?  Why don't we schedule a day to just do a buckle list activity?  Heck, why don't I actually make a bucket list instead of letting all these things bounce around inside my brain?

If I had time, I would blog more....

Unfinished projects

So how do you handle unfinished projects?  For example,

1) scrapbooking - I have major guilt over this at times.  My daughter has at least 3 FULL scrapbooks devoted to her life ages 0-6 yrs.  Then this little bouncy bundle named Jacob came along and Kalissa's albums are frozen in time, and I think Jacob has 2 pages done, only because a friend of ours made 2 pages from photos at the hospital and included them in his baby gift.

2) writing - I have started writing several short stories. I love writing but my mind has to be in the story and for a while there, it became stressful to think about writing, so I stopped.  I really would like to get back to it, but it just never happened.

3) Genealogy - I started while Kalissa was a baby and LOVED the stories I found. I loved learning about my family and the country at the time via their diaries and such I found.  I am not sure this is a project you ever finish because there's sooo much you can find. I loved it and I had several trips I wanted to take to see the area where my family is from, to visit libraries and get copies of records....but the stuff was boxed up for a move and has never been unboxed.

Those are the major personal projects...but then there's the other projects I have I want to do for my family, charities, etc....I have always felt I was a good organized person who kept busy and did a lot of things, but today I'm feeling overwhelmed and I know the tricks...make a list, set a timer, blah blah... But at the same time, I don't feel overwhelmed and lacking motivation on the things that I "have to get done" which is what the timers and such works for...I can get the coupons sorted, I can get the emails for GFH answered, etc.  It's the BIG things...like scrapbooking that I can't get motivated to do and I don't even know where to fit it in anymore.

I think I have made myself work alone too long :(

Task Lists

Someone told me at the funeral Saturday that I should write more blog entries.  I figured they need a break in their day to laugh at my goofy logic, but I really don't know that I have a lot worthwhile to say...but here goes...Lisa-Logic aka whatever pops into my head.

So task lists, to do list, HoneyDew List...whatever you want to call them, do you keep one?  I'm a FIRM believer in task lists, in fact, I find that I'm Completely and Totally lost if I don't have a list.  Right now, I'm frustrated because the task list software I found and was going to use only allows for one list.  I prefer to sort my task lists electronically by "Roles", such as "household", "school/church", "GFH", "someday".  The software I'm currently using (free app, because I'm cheap!) allows me to do tags so I can still sort them, but everything is still on one list.  Not sure I'm crazy about that, but I do like that I can have the app on my tablet, my phone and the website on my laptop and sync the entire list in all 3 places.  I'm all about syncing and being able to work with whatever tool aka laptop, phone or tablet I have handy at the time moment.

Anyway, so if you have a task list, how do you maintain it?  I'm looking for actual feedback here folks, in case you're wondering.  I know, I know, some of my blogs are just me talking and feedback is optional, but this is one where I'm really looking for ideas.  So here's my situation...I have a task list I'm working on completing...because I'm __wow, so many words come to mind that all fits depending on the day__ an active person with lots of irons in the fire...yeah, we'll go with that because it sounds better than a busy body who overcommits herself on a regular basic LOL...anyway, so I'm plugging away working on something, and POP! suddenly I think of something else I need to do.  (You mean you don't hear that Pop! sound?  Oh maybe it's just the alarm going off on the dryer then :P)  The task is simple, would only take maybe a second or two to do...such as recording that receipt you just found on the kitchen counter.  So do you go and do it immediately or do you ask it to your task list?  Serious question!  Which do you do?

Now, here's why I ask...simple task...would only take a second to do it.  But the problem is the "other" things that will go with it: Using the receipt, I pick it up from the counter, need to record it on the computer...let's say the laptop is already booted up, turned on and ready to go, because that saves a step or two....  I sit down at my laptop, since I work on facebook, it's most likely already open with the notifications bright red.  Say I'm even good and immediately open the receipt file to record it.  I didn't immediately check facebook first...say I'm good (stop laughing, I can be good!)..so I record the receipt.  It immediately adds the info, and updates the little automatic graph-thingy (technical term for you!) of our spending, and in this case analyzes our grocery spending.  So then I'm thinking about grocery and spending and the budget for next month, and that normally gets me thinking of other bills that are due.  Next thing I know I'm looking at our budget and end up log into the bank acct and paying a bill online because I see that it's coming up on it's due date, which was on the task list, just not as high up because it didn't HAVE to be done today.  All because my husband left a receipt laying on the counter where he brought milk last night.   So, do I add that simple task to the task list or do I just do the task immediately, because it's such a simple task? And if I do it immediately, how do I keep myself focused and not go off on a thousand other tasks, because of that one simple "only take a second" task?

Oh and by the way, because I went ahead and did that simple "just take a second" task, I started thinking about this and ended up writing this blog, and so now an hour later, I guess I'll go back to what I was doing before I found the receipt on the kitchen counter.

Survivor's Guilt?

My daughter put that name to it last night, "Survivor's Guilt". I don't know if it's the right word for it, but it makes sense as much as anything. I sit here typing this the morning after learning of the death of little McKenna. My heart was so heavy yesterday, I cried so many tears, and I hugged my kids close.

Yesterday, the entire day just stopped. I made supper, hugged the kids, helped make arrangements for friends traveling in for the funeral...but my life went on hold. No work related items were done at all.  At the end of the day, as I broke down letting what remaining tears I had pour out in a mess at our son's bedtime, I realized that I felt guilty for needing to do the day to day tasks that are ahead of me.  I feel guilty thinking "tomorrow I have to have supper ready early because of scouts den meeting" and "during the day, I need to finish up pictures and posting a client's items and start the new client stuff"...I felt guilty for these things because it's like nothing had happened.  I think of McKenna's parents and I know they are broken, they are in a holding pattern...one I remember clearly.  That time between learning of the death and having the funeral.  I recall with my dad's death, just the feeling that time was suspended..life was on hold and when you heard of things happening "out there...in the world" during that time, you felt disconnected and frustrated that they would dare carry on during this time.

I know, logically, guilt is a useless emotion in this situation. I know that others, even McKenna's parents understand that life will continue and appointments need to be made, and met. But yet, I hold my children and I feel so heartbroken for the parents. I feel blessed and guilty that I have another day with my children, that I can check on my children and see them sleeping peacefully in their beds. As Kalissa said it last night, "you feel guilty that your children survived, that you haven't faced that."  Dang she's smart! :)

Just needed to put the words on paper I guess today, not looking for any words of wisdom or sympathy as much as needing to express myself. And now, I should do the things I must do today...