Unfinished projects

So how do you handle unfinished projects?  For example,

1) scrapbooking - I have major guilt over this at times.  My daughter has at least 3 FULL scrapbooks devoted to her life ages 0-6 yrs.  Then this little bouncy bundle named Jacob came along and Kalissa's albums are frozen in time, and I think Jacob has 2 pages done, only because a friend of ours made 2 pages from photos at the hospital and included them in his baby gift.

2) writing - I have started writing several short stories. I love writing but my mind has to be in the story and for a while there, it became stressful to think about writing, so I stopped.  I really would like to get back to it, but it just never happened.

3) Genealogy - I started while Kalissa was a baby and LOVED the stories I found. I loved learning about my family and the country at the time via their diaries and such I found.  I am not sure this is a project you ever finish because there's sooo much you can find. I loved it and I had several trips I wanted to take to see the area where my family is from, to visit libraries and get copies of records....but the stuff was boxed up for a move and has never been unboxed.

Those are the major personal projects...but then there's the other projects I have I want to do for my family, charities, etc....I have always felt I was a good organized person who kept busy and did a lot of things, but today I'm feeling overwhelmed and I know the tricks...make a list, set a timer, blah blah... But at the same time, I don't feel overwhelmed and lacking motivation on the things that I "have to get done" which is what the timers and such works for...I can get the coupons sorted, I can get the emails for GFH answered, etc.  It's the BIG things...like scrapbooking that I can't get motivated to do and I don't even know where to fit it in anymore.

I think I have made myself work alone too long :(

Task Lists

Someone told me at the funeral Saturday that I should write more blog entries.  I figured they need a break in their day to laugh at my goofy logic, but I really don't know that I have a lot worthwhile to say...but here goes...Lisa-Logic aka whatever pops into my head.

So task lists, to do list, HoneyDew List...whatever you want to call them, do you keep one?  I'm a FIRM believer in task lists, in fact, I find that I'm Completely and Totally lost if I don't have a list.  Right now, I'm frustrated because the task list software I found and was going to use only allows for one list.  I prefer to sort my task lists electronically by "Roles", such as "household", "school/church", "GFH", "someday".  The software I'm currently using (free app, because I'm cheap!) allows me to do tags so I can still sort them, but everything is still on one list.  Not sure I'm crazy about that, but I do like that I can have the app on my tablet, my phone and the website on my laptop and sync the entire list in all 3 places.  I'm all about syncing and being able to work with whatever tool aka laptop, phone or tablet I have handy at the time moment.

Anyway, so if you have a task list, how do you maintain it?  I'm looking for actual feedback here folks, in case you're wondering.  I know, I know, some of my blogs are just me talking and feedback is optional, but this is one where I'm really looking for ideas.  So here's my situation...I have a task list I'm working on completing...because I'm __wow, so many words come to mind that all fits depending on the day__ an active person with lots of irons in the fire...yeah, we'll go with that because it sounds better than a busy body who overcommits herself on a regular basic LOL...anyway, so I'm plugging away working on something, and POP! suddenly I think of something else I need to do.  (You mean you don't hear that Pop! sound?  Oh maybe it's just the alarm going off on the dryer then :P)  The task is simple, would only take maybe a second or two to do...such as recording that receipt you just found on the kitchen counter.  So do you go and do it immediately or do you ask it to your task list?  Serious question!  Which do you do?

Now, here's why I ask...simple task...would only take a second to do it.  But the problem is the "other" things that will go with it: Using the receipt, I pick it up from the counter, need to record it on the computer...let's say the laptop is already booted up, turned on and ready to go, because that saves a step or two....  I sit down at my laptop, since I work on facebook, it's most likely already open with the notifications bright red.  Say I'm even good and immediately open the receipt file to record it.  I didn't immediately check facebook first...say I'm good (stop laughing, I can be good!)..so I record the receipt.  It immediately adds the info, and updates the little automatic graph-thingy (technical term for you!) of our spending, and in this case analyzes our grocery spending.  So then I'm thinking about grocery and spending and the budget for next month, and that normally gets me thinking of other bills that are due.  Next thing I know I'm looking at our budget and end up log into the bank acct and paying a bill online because I see that it's coming up on it's due date, which was on the task list, just not as high up because it didn't HAVE to be done today.  All because my husband left a receipt laying on the counter where he brought milk last night.   So, do I add that simple task to the task list or do I just do the task immediately, because it's such a simple task? And if I do it immediately, how do I keep myself focused and not go off on a thousand other tasks, because of that one simple "only take a second" task?

Oh and by the way, because I went ahead and did that simple "just take a second" task, I started thinking about this and ended up writing this blog, and so now an hour later, I guess I'll go back to what I was doing before I found the receipt on the kitchen counter.

Survivor's Guilt?

My daughter put that name to it last night, "Survivor's Guilt". I don't know if it's the right word for it, but it makes sense as much as anything. I sit here typing this the morning after learning of the death of little McKenna. My heart was so heavy yesterday, I cried so many tears, and I hugged my kids close.

Yesterday, the entire day just stopped. I made supper, hugged the kids, helped make arrangements for friends traveling in for the funeral...but my life went on hold. No work related items were done at all.  At the end of the day, as I broke down letting what remaining tears I had pour out in a mess at our son's bedtime, I realized that I felt guilty for needing to do the day to day tasks that are ahead of me.  I feel guilty thinking "tomorrow I have to have supper ready early because of scouts den meeting" and "during the day, I need to finish up pictures and posting a client's items and start the new client stuff"...I felt guilty for these things because it's like nothing had happened.  I think of McKenna's parents and I know they are broken, they are in a holding pattern...one I remember clearly.  That time between learning of the death and having the funeral.  I recall with my dad's death, just the feeling that time was suspended..life was on hold and when you heard of things happening "out there...in the world" during that time, you felt disconnected and frustrated that they would dare carry on during this time.

I know, logically, guilt is a useless emotion in this situation. I know that others, even McKenna's parents understand that life will continue and appointments need to be made, and met. But yet, I hold my children and I feel so heartbroken for the parents. I feel blessed and guilty that I have another day with my children, that I can check on my children and see them sleeping peacefully in their beds. As Kalissa said it last night, "you feel guilty that your children survived, that you haven't faced that."  Dang she's smart! :)

Just needed to put the words on paper I guess today, not looking for any words of wisdom or sympathy as much as needing to express myself. And now, I should do the things I must do today...

Can't hold my tongue anymore...

Ok, the folks who knows me best knows I rarely discuss religion or politics in public forums. I don't hide that I'm a Christian and when asked directly I will answer any question about my religious or political views.  I just don't get on those soap boxes often. I have enough other soap boxes I wear out. ;)

But with the recent Facebook posts, the media, and everything hitting the Internet as a result of the murder of the children and teachers in Conn, I'm finding it hard to hold my tongue anymore.  So in true Lisa-Logic fashion, here's all the things I wish I had the guts to say/post to the FB status, shares, etc.

1) God didn't cause this terrible event. God didn't decide on Friday morning that he wanted 20 innocent children to "come home". I have no doubt that He welcomed those teachers and children into His loving arms, comforted them and gave them peace. But He didn't cause this. He didn't plan this. This isn't part of some "Great Plan" of God. This event was Pure Evil and God doesn't work with Evil.

2) We can't understand why this happened. We can ask and question; Lord knows I have.  I have sit right at this computer reading the news feed, crying and asking "Why?  Why did these children have to die like this? The poor children who survived, why do they now have to live with this memory?" But you know what folks, we will never know! We aren't supposed to understand and frankly, I can't begin to figure it out because my mind doesn't work like an person who would DECIDE to pick up a gun and walk into a Kindergarten class room and open fire!  So frankly, I am glad I don't understand because I don't want to have those thoughts. I don't want to understand why or how a person could do that!

3) Guns...OMG I would love to just say "STFU" sometimes!  I don't own a gun, I don't have a gun in our home. Not because I'm against them, I CHOOSE not to own a gun, for 2 reasons.  The first is I'm not 100%  sure that if I had a gun in hand and faced with the situation where I have to decide to use it, if I could. I believe if you can't pull the trigger, you shouldn't have a gun "for protection" because the other person will just take it away from you and use it against you.  The second reason is I have decided as a Adult that I like living within the city limits, and I trust and respect the local law enforcement to respond quickly and effectively to my calls for help.  I thank God that I have not had to call on the police, fire, EMTs for help, but if I need them, I trust that the people trained to protect and take care of me will be there.  But back to the issue at hand, IF I wanted to own a gun, that's my right and IF I wanted to have a gun in my home, that's my choice.  But GUESS what?!? It doesn't matter!  I can own one gun or a hundred guns. I could have semi-automatics or the single shot loader thingies, and it still won't matter....I'm not the one you have to worry about and taking away my right to own or have a gun, will not prevent 20 children being murdered in their Kindergarten classroom.  Because just like my dad used to say "Locks keep the honest people out"...Gun control keeps the HONEST people in check.  The dishonest ones, the mentally ill, the ones who want a gun to do evil, WILL still get a gun. They will lie, steal, cheat, and we can't stop them because they are evil!   All "more gun control" would do is make it so that farmers, the hunters, my family who lives in the country who doesn't have police who are 5 minutes away, are left unprotected. Those of you yelling for "more gun control", you need to realize a gun in the right hands is no more dangerous than a car.  A car can run over a child crossing the street. A car can hit a school bus and kill or harm 60 children.  It all depends on WHO's behind the wheel of the car.  A gun depends on WHO's finger is on the trigger!

4) "Let's arm the teachers"...."let's put guns in the teacher's hands so they can defeat their classroom", SERIOUSLY PEOPLE??? Are you that insane?!?  You have a teacher who is underpaid, under-appreciated and WAY overworked, who has a passion for teaching. Trust me I know this, you do not teach for the money, you do not teach for the benefits, because they suck! I have taught off and on for 14 years, and you teach because you have a PASSION for the job. You want to teach those students, children or adults, you want to see them learn and move out of your class not because you want to "get rid of them" but because it means you have done your job.  But you can't see everything, a normal public school class these days is anywhere for 20-30 students, you can't watch and see every thing going on. You try, but it's not humanly possible. For a gun to be effective to "protect" it has to be accessible, why do you think a police officer wears a gun on his belt? Because he can access it.  If it is locked securely in a gun safe, is he going to be able to do his job? If a robber is holding me at gun point and I call the police, I don't want him to try to remember the combination of his gun safe! I want him to reach for his gun on his belt and shot the sucker!  Well, let's think about this...you put a gun in the class room, you train the teacher....Ok, yay, we have an armed teacher...now what?  She either puts the gun in a gun safe so that the Kindergarteners can't get it out and "what does this do?" and kill her or someone else...or she keeps it out where she can access it and we see reports accidental shootings happening in our schools.  I'm sorry, losing a child to an "accident" because a gun on the teacher's belt misfires when the teacher leans over the desk to show a child how to correctly make a cursive G is not something I want to hear about on the news.  Accident happens with guns, even with trained people with guns....A teacher has enough to worry about with her students, don't add a loaded gun in the classroom to "protect" to her worries.

5) Prayer in school....Do you seriously believe prayer isn't in school?  Ok, so I can't honestly say I ever sit in a class room and had the teacher lead a prayer during class.  No, it didn't happen.  But I can promise you, that prayer did most definitely happened in my classes!  I prayed that the teacher won't notice me passing the note to Beverly in 3rd grade, I prayed that the teacher won't ask for the homework I forgot and left in my locker, I prayed that the boy I liked would notice me, I prayed the boy I didn't like won't notice me. I prayed I would know the answers to the test I didn't study for, or that I wouldn't forget what I was suppose to say during the oral report.  I prayed Mrs. Taylor won't call on me in Latin or that Mr. Swift would give us study time so I could finish my biology homework before next period.  It's not a question of taking prayers out of school or putting it back in, it's a question of teaching our children to have faith. PERIOD.  I prayed because I believed in the power of it.  Had I not learned AT HOME to pray and been taught that it was an option, I won't have done it.  You know what?! Shocker here!... It's not the freaking school's job to teach YOUR children to pray or not to pray and frankly, "no prayer in school" doesn't mean YOUR child can't pray.  

Ok, I think I hit all the high points.  I really don't care if anyone reads this or not. But it feels good to get it out there and off my chest.  Oh and Yes, Police and Teachers can be both male or female. I'm not sexist...just easier for my mind to write the protector/Police as male and the sweet/teacher as female.  But I have see excellent Police women and wonderful male teachers.  Anyway..go back to your soap box now...I'm done.

Ok, Really?

Ok, so it's really October?  Not even the beginning of October...we are over the half way mark...seriously? This year has gone way too fast!!!

Ok, so what's up with me?  This will be a catch up post, like the last one was as well...but then I PROMISE I will start doing some real blog posts again. Maybe I'll add it to my calendar as an appointment and then maybe it will get done :)

Ok, so Jacob is back in school, doing awesome! He's in 3rd grade and signed up for "Math Masters". That child is so much like my Dad was, if there's a number involved he's all over it!  Kalissa, his big sister is the complete opposite!  For her, if it's a story, she's got it covered.  English and Languages are her thing.  She's currently taking both French II and German I.  She says she likes German better than French, but still loves the French teacher. Will be interesting to see what she decides to do next year, rather she will stick out another year of French just because she likes the teacher or move on and just do German.  She's already talking about a German exchange student and going to German as part of that program!  I swear we need a bigger house!  That girl will have her passport full of stamps before she graduates school if she has her way!  But I love that she is getting opportunities that I never got growing up.

I started a business Carried Away Consignment kinda on a bit of a whim and also out of necessary.  Finances are tight with only one income and the kids doing so many activities, plus I just don't do well without a job. I like being busy and I like having some spare cash to go to lunch if I want or such.  Christmas is looking dull on just our budget so I'm hoping this helps brightens the Christmas lights so to speak. :)  Carried Away Consignment is for people who has clutter and "garage sale" items around their home that they want to sell, they would like a little more out of it than just a tax write-off if they donate it, but they just don't have the time, interest or desire to sell it on E-bay or FB or even to have a garage sale.  I take the items, take pictures, write up a description, sell them item, deliver/ship it, collect the money and then take just a small commission for the sale.  Started this Sept 21st (easy day to remember since I started it on my 40th birthday :P) and so far, I have sold over $400 worth of items.  Not bad in less than a month!    Yesterday, I met with my first "real" customer, aka not someone I knew before I started this business, and so I feel like I'm really in business now!  Which also means I need to get off this blog page and get to work! :)

More to come...I promise to blog again soon. :)

Back...Aug Already?

Haven't done so well at blogging this year! It has been a busy summer with Kalissa's trip to Peru, South America, then Marching Band.  Ok, so for all those of you who remember Marching Band like I remember Marching Band, Noblesville Marching Millers is TOTALLY different!  I wasn't in band, but my friend was, and I recall her doing a week or maybe 2 weeks of "band camp" in the summer, then a lot of practice and contests in the fall.  Well, that was "track band" I'm learning.  Noblesville does "Show Band", which means all their contests are in the summer months, in fact State Fair Band Day is the big contest, which was this past Friday.  so from June-Aug, the summer band students had 2 days off, plus contests every weekend in July.  When K signed up, I found out we sold our souls to the Marching Band demon for the entire summer!

But now, the Marching Band competed, and earned 9th overall at the State Fair, out of 46 schools.  Very good job and I'm so proud of Kalissa and all these kids, for the hours of work they put in.  Now we have about 10 days before school starts. Seems hard for me to believe since it seems we haven't had a summer really for our family.

Just a few things that shock me today as I write this....
* Jacob is going to be a 3rd grader?!?! Seems like yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital, scheduling home nurse care visits, worrying he wasn't getting enough breast milk, and thinking he's too little and thanking God that he was home and alive.  (If you missed it, he was born premature at 33 weeks.)
* Kalissa is a Freshmen!!!! I now have a child who is in High School, how did that happen?  I remember bring her home from the hospital as well, but I can believe she's older, just not a High Schooler yet.  She keeps reminding us that she'll be driving soon, and then it's senior, college, marriage....OMG I'm so not ready for her to grow up like this.
* I'm going to turn 40....in about 6 weeks.  I'm not worried about turning 40, I'm not bothered by the number. I don't feel old at all....I'm at middle age maybe, but still that's a big number and part of me feels a bit shocked that I'm about to leave the 30s behind.

With those thoughts I'm left wondering what to do in 10 days when the kids return to school. I'm not homeschooling this year, it was nice, but Jacob learned some bad habits and I don't want those to continue.  I want him back in school.  But that means I'll have 8 hrs a day of time...what to do with it?  I have decided not to return to teaching, because it will cause the same thing I wanted to get away from...too much time away from my kids and not being flexible enough for their schedule needs.  I started Parties By Proxie, but the business isn't taking off like I had hoped.  I'm struggling to know how to market it effectively.  I could find a part time job that would allow better flexibility, but honestly, I don't want to work outside the home unless it's for the PxP business.  So how can I make some money, market my business, still have flexibility for my kids schedules and needs, and not go stir crazy from not working?  Suggestions? Thoughts?

Daddy...

I think about Dad a lot these days, I'm not sure the reason for that. It's been almost 9 years since his death.  Maybe it's because a high school friend lost her dad recently, that I'm thinking of Dad. I miss him as if it was yesterday, but yet at the same time, I think back to those last months and I am glad I didn't have to watch him suffer.

I'm so thankful for the upbringing and lessons he taught me, the values he instilled in me.  I'm mostly thankful for the huge, caring heart he had and passed on to his children. Dad helped people. I remember Dad going out of his way to help children on the school bus, my friends, our neighbors, who ever it was.  I guess that's on my mind recently because of our crazy household at the moment.

I also thinking about Dad because of the lessons he taught. It wasn't the math problems he helped with or how to drive a stick shift, which I never got the hang of.  It was the example of how to treat people fairly, how to give an honest day's work for a honest wage, and how to make your name mean something.

I remember my sister and I back when in school, we used to talk about the fact that our identify wasn't determined it felt by who we were or what he had done around FR, but rather everyone knew us as "Joe's daughters".  The topic came up again when Dad passed away and we were sitting around the house remembering and talking about things, and Mom even commented that few people in FR knew her, and even the ones who recognized her, didn't know her name. She was simply "Joe's wife".  Dad was well known in our community. I think of our society and who we consider "well known" in our community.  People can be "well-known" for a lot of reason, but it's the great ones that are well-known for their character. I'm so proud to be "Joe's Daughter" because I know that title means I'm the product of a well-respected man, a man of good character, as the Bible would say.

I hope when my children sit someday and reflects over my life, they can say the same about their mother as I can say about my dad. That I taught them the good lessons of life, the values and morals. The character that they have is the some traits that were passed down from my dad.  I love you, Daddy. If tears were stairs, I would have visited you in heavens many times over.